even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
