I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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