I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize