Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
and she was petting her beer can
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
