then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
