UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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