I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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