I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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