Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
