Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
