she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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