I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
