did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
50% drunk capacity currently
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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