She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
honey bunches of taint.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
