im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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