I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
