Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
