Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
