dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
