He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i think we sleep fucked last night...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
