The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
