Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I will be naked everywhere
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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