Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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