I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
