I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
