The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
