Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
