My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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