your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think I just sharted jello shots
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