I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
