I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
