I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
