Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
