Got a toothbrush?
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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