you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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