Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
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He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.