Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize