I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize