But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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