He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
