I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
