well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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