bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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