It's Friday. Sex?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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