and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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