addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
