I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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