he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
