He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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