it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
