this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
