he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
