he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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