We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i wish my penis had a tongue
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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