Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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