I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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