Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
