he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
