She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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