Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
