mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
