oh god the rape fog is back!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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