You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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