Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
