I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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