looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
