im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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