I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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