make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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