I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
