So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
